crazy_raccoon | (no subject)

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It's always fun to take these tests and discover that all of them point to INTP or similar. I think of late, I've grown to be more adaptable, probably just channeling the raccoon and realizing the best way to get what you want is to act like you give a damn for people.

Turns out, I can really turn up the charisma when I want something. I got a 6 dollar tip while working because of this situation:
"Uhhh... I'd like your peanut buster parfait..."
I really, really hate when people say they want an item from a store as if I personally created the franchise. As if I have some form of loyalty to my workplace. When they say they want my certain item. But instead of getting frustrated, I turned all of it into charisma, and came up with a good reply.
"My peanut buster parfait? Well, you can't have mine, cuz I want it, but I can make you a new one, and that one will be yours."
Suddenly, before I know it, I have the rest of her change. Not that it was much, considering I work at a fast food joint for now, but the principle of the thing is that I, as an INTP, managed to use friendly conversation in order to get something.

Maybe it's just a part of the INTP nature, since we can be a bit manipulative, but I still find it hilarious that the social outcast guy is making tip when no one else at the store can.

The manipulation, before I realized I was doing it, was kind of a curse at first. People gravitated towards me. Maybe not me directly, but it was like groups of friends would include me into the outer edge of the circle, and suddenly I was the only middle person for a really big and complicated Venn diagram. I sit down at the beginning of the year at a lunch table back in high school utterly alone, and by the end of the year, the table is full they are pulling extra tables over to connect them. It got annoying, really. Some people aren't so bad. They like to discuss things of importance or interest. But other guys would go on about Pokemon for the whole half hour, or talk about anime, or their new phone, all of which I couldn't care less about.

Anyway, the point is, now it's different. I mean, I know what I'm doing a little better. I'm still a little clueless in conversations that involve social cues, but doing better. Like how I recently learned that I probably have flirted with a ton of people by accident. When I'm in an awkward situation, I joke. It's my natural instinct. And since I find every situation involving strangers to be awkward, all I do is joke. Recent conversation has led me to realize that when a guy first meets a girl he likes, he jokes with her and tries to get her to laugh, like it means she accepts him. Lo and behold, I've been doing that my entire life without realizing.

My sexual impotency is for a different essay, methinks, but it might have more to do with that. As an example, when a female would walk by in the lunchroom in high school/college, every guy at the table would check out her boobs. Cause... I guess that's normal.

Meanwhile, I would try and see what was on her plate, and if it was worth asking if she wanted the rest.

My inability to converse well and my inability to understand sexual cues might stem from the same problem. And true, it could easily be explained by therianthropy, but that seems to much of an Occam's razor answer to me. I mean, what would a raccoon do in the exact same situation? Be interested in fat deposits on a female's chest, or be interested in the fatty tissue of her hardly-touched pastrami sandwich? Well, maybe neither, if it was utterly realistic. Utterly realistic, he'd be interested in escaping the outrageously noisy room full of obnoxious people.

I like to find the complicated answer to things, I guess. I like things to be complicated. I like video game manuals thicker than a Goosebumps' book. I like heavily detailed worlds with political, social, and physiological structure of leading sapient races, and a full catalog of hoe the environment interlaces. I like a deep backstory to a character. The bigger the polynomial the better. You get the picture.

Ah, well. Maybe by the time I die, I'll have learned how to navigate a conversation with ease, but I feel like there are better things to do. Like work on my idea for a 2D platformer involving a time-traveling raccoon.

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I usually either get green-white or blue-white.

I don't know about manipulation, but sometimes I do seem to be some sort of magnet for people to talk about things I don't care about. Not, I think, because of any attraction to me, but the idea that somehow I'm trapped in an antisocial shell and need/want to be 'rescued'.

Wait, that's how people flirt?

And since when are you sexually impotent?

This is true. I didn't think about the aspect that some people feel like those who are alone don't really want to be. I had one such person attempt "rescue" many times.

That's one way, at least. Others are a little more obvious, like showing your physical attributes off. I don't have a problem with that, though, since showing off my body isn't really an instinct of mine. I had it described to me that the first smile from a girl you are flirting with is a sign that she likes you. This was told to me by Lindiel, and I figured she'd know best, since she's a female herself.

Not sexually impotent... eh, I meant that more in the sense that I couldn't pick up on a cue to save my life. As in I don't understand when people are flirting with me. I don't understand when I'm flirting with others. I don't have the same tiny scoring system in my head for a woman's looks that it seems most guys have. When I stare at a woman's shirt, it's because I am honestly curious as to what it says, despite the stereotype that says that's just a clever lie. Pornography disgusts me, and when women show off their body or something similar, I recoil.

These things led me to believe I was asexual for a while, but I don't honestly know. The best phrase I could come up with for describing that wasn't exactly the right one. I think I'm either clueless or have a lower libido than most igneous rock formations. Maybe both. Maybe I'm just an igneous rock formation therian.

Do you experience a sex drive in the right circumstances? If so, your libido is higher than that of an igneous rock formation.

As far as flirting... well, I don't have a strong drive to do that either, in the sense of attempting to attract sexual appreciation from complete strangers.

In the right circumstances, yes, I suppose that is right.

I try not to attract any attention from strangers until I surmise their personality or intelligence.

And if everyone in the world were like me, strip clubs would be replaced with intelligence quotient booths and women would be able to show off their knowledge of obscure movie references for the attraction of mates in order to gain the reward of coming over to the house and watching a marathon of Lord of the Rings wile sharing a chicken cordon bleu pizza and Monster. Damn, I wish more people were like me.

If I might ask, does having a low sex drive cause relationship tensions?

I think that the whole point of a strip club is for sexual stimulation. Which really doesn't make any sense--it's fairly easy to find videos of people copulating on the Internet, which I have found is far more arousing sexually than watching someone scantily clad gyrate their body.

What you mentioned--that's how I form friends. If I have sex with someone they're a friend first and I regard sex as an outgrowth of emotional intimacy. Thankfully, not a particularly common one.

Sometimes I hate having a high sex drive.

Actually, yes, it does cause tension. It's not particularly bad, and since it's the only tension Lindiel and I ever have...

I don't often pick up on her clues, which isn't the problem, really. The problem is that I never initiate, because it never occurs to me. When it comes to "doing things for fun" sex is above nailing my feet to the floor, but below video games on the "occurring to me" list. Not that I don't enjoy it, and not that I don't find it to be a wholly emotionally (and otherwise) satisfying action, it's just that when I'm looking for things to do, my brain has a checklist of things to toss at me for review, and sex is near the bottom. Dunno why.

I find strip clubs to be pointless ventures. I hope to never find myself in one. In most circumstances, I don't find the female human body to be eye candy, probably due to therianthropy (not that I don't appreciate beauty). I'm lusting after raccoons, though.

True, that is the way I would form friends. I guess I just see more emotional significance in time spent with a mate than I find sex with a mate to be. Possibly due to outside influences and stereotypes that I wish to avoid. Sex to me, is furthering an emotional bond with the added fun of physical pleasure. If I hang out with Lindiel I'm furthering my emotional bond, and chicken cordon bleu pizza is on my top ten of best physical sensations. -shrugs- I'll have to think on this, and the differences between these situations.

Having a high sex drive is rather expected of males. A female might be disappointed if they ask for sex and you aren't utterly eager. I wouldn't say it's a bad thing.

Do you at least know how to initiate without simply asking bluntly? I don't and haven't the least idea.

I now have a mental image of a bunch of female raccoons, in heat, doing a pole dance. And I am pretty sure that they are physiologically capable of that, too. The various morphologies I am attracted to, however, generally are not. What do you think of anthros?

Emotional, yes, but physical...

It might not be a bad thing if I had a sexual partner. I do not, however, and must resort to masturbation four times or so a day. I am rather sure that actual sex would be better at sating me. There's also the fact that I live with my parents and, for the next week at least, don't really have a room to myself.

I've been getting pointers, actually. I'm learning. I think I could get there some day. I'll tell you one thing, though, explaining the Higgs Boson to my coworkers (who don't even understand Newton's Third Law) at the Dairy Queen is easier.

Ah, I see I made a typo. -facedesks-
I meant to say not that I'm lusting after raccoons. Anthromorphics... yeah, to be honest they are far more pleasing to the eye than the human body tends to be. They could even provide stimulation, possibly because they tend to be more aesthetic. If I think about it too long I begin to believe I'm just a zoophile, though.
But... -laughs- pole dances? I don't particularly care for that sort of thing, despite attempts to make it a more legitimate institution. Stripteases... things like that... I don't find body flaunting to be exciting. If I want something like that, I prefer subtlety and artistry alongside the sensuality. After all, women tend to be masters of this art.

Ah, I see. Actual sex compared to masturbation... I haven't done the latter often, and not at all since dating Lindiel, so I'm not exactly well-learned in that art. I'd have to second your notion though, that actual sex will be better at satiating... or it might make it worse, depending on your level of self-control. Or it might fluctuate at different times in your life. One thing I'm glad about "becoming an adult" for is clearing my system of those freaking hormones that caused me so much trouble.

... They don't understand the third law? Seriously? As in 'every action has an equal and opposite reaction'? How hard is it to understand that?

Oh.
I think that the whole thing with pole dancing and stripteases is that it's supposed to make someone aroused by the suggestion of sexuality. I, and from what I've read you, tend to miss suggestions, not just for sexuality but for many things. That, or it's some sort of Pavlovian reaction.

Well, that's a relief.
When did they hit you? Because I got them at about 16/17, and most people seem to get them earlier.

One does, but she's a nurse trying to pay back college. But the other ones are more likely to ask questions like "How can a wall push back? It's a wall!" while proceeding to make his/her point by pushing on a nearby stable object. I stopped trying.

Mebbe. It could be both, although I don't have any particularly scarring experiences with sex. I mean, I walked in on my step-dad looking at porn, but that didn't bother me so much as get me excited that I had more proof of his hypocrisy. I don't know why I would have any Pavlovian reactions, though. Suggestions of sexuality I tend to block out when there are other things to admire, like the intense training some of them have to go through to do what they do. I'm more likely to look at it as art rather than a sexual suggestion (and to me, there is far better art). Glad I'm not the only one, really.

The hormones hit at around the same time as you, maybe slightly earlier. Although from the sound of things they didn't hit me particularly as hard as with other guys. Or maybe like everything else at the time, I was trying desperately to hide them and it became an unconscious act to remove myself from them as much as possible. I think I managed to lock emotions and hormones up in the same box.

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