Self-absorption
Jul. 29th, 2012 11:24 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
crazy_raccoonMy first post wasn't exactly an introduction of sorts, so I guess I should write one. Or I might be bored and feel like typing something up. I don't spend time thinking about my life story, usually, so organizing my thoughts into something relatively simple should be fun. This will likely undergo a few day's work.
As I have stated before, my name is Alec. I'm one of four people on the entire North American continent with my last name, or so the internet tells me. Blouin is also very hard to pronounce, since English rules don't work on it.
I was born in San Antonio, Texas, in a military medical ward that is now called "Brook Army Burn Center" or something like that. My mother is part English, part Cherokee (I think? She never goes into her background) and my father is part Inuit, part Italian. The Italian culture is strong enough with my grandpa that my father is actually named after the Pope. There is some dispute within my immediate family as to whether my father is actually my father. Apparently, I was born around nine months after my mother had sexual relations with Gene Simmons.
Being a military family, we moved about the country. I've lived in or visited the majority of the states in the American west, mostly northwest. Lived in Alaska for four years where I learned how to interact with the woods. My brother was born 5 years after me in Sierra Vista, Arizona.
My parents divorced after that, and I was forced into living in Texas, where she remarried to an absolute bastard of a human. He was intelligent, sure, but he was also a hypocritical zealot who transformed my mother from a pretty cool person to one of his own kind.
I heavily lean towards the nature part of the nature versus nurture argument, since I turned out almost nothing like any of my parents. I still acknowledge the nature, though, since I apparently have the personality of my uncle, who was a cartographer for Anderson county in Texas, as well as a comic strip artist with the largest board game collection I have ever seen. He was estranged by his birth family, for having different views on the world, and it seems we also have that in common.
I am a supporter of LGBT rights, pro-choice for medical reasons within the first trimester, socially liberal and fiscally conservative (I think. I've been told I'm a libertarian, but I don't like company growth to be unhindered.) I am a Christian, but my beliefs are based around Christ, not really much else, in that I follow the two rules he set down, one of which is treating everyone with human decency. I also hold the belief that the Bible is an imperfect document, and Jesus wanted people to think for themselves instead of tying all decision-making to a two thousand year old book.
These beliefs are the exact opposite of my parents', and years of us being at odds, coupled with both of them spending money unwisely, forcing me to work in extreme situations, being extremely hypocritical, and their punishments mostly centered on depriving me of literature finally broke me. I accused them of stealing money from my bank account to help them buy a pool (the ground for which I leveled during the Texas summer, which is rather unforgiving) and they kicked me out. I was 17 at the time, and had a year left of high school.
I spent the year being shuffled between a few friend's houses, but I constantly felt like a burden. I would often spend nights under a bridge (which, cliche as it is, is not that bad of a shelter) and scavenge what food I could. I learned a few tricks to provide me with sustenance while living homeless, and was given a good meal and a shower by friends at least three times a week, when I was able to swallow my pride.
My grades up until this point had been straight A's. I was number 3 in my class, an avid theater student, and trying to sort out what I wanted to do with my life other than screw around with various areas of science. I had been close to becoming a Texas scholar, but when I got kicked out, I could not afford the 60$ fee. To graduate anywhere within the top ten, you had to be a Texas Scholar, so I was immediately bumped to the position of number 11 in the school. My grades began failing, and I felt less and less able to keep up with everything. I cared less and less about it, too. I attained my Eagle rank 10 days before my 18th birthday, just in time, but have still not been able to afford the ceremony. I fell from number 11 to number 64 in my class, losing Advanced Placement status at the last minute because I failed psychology and nearly failed the rest. I caught staph on my eyelids but could not afford to visit the optometrist as was suggested to me by the ER doctors. For graduation ceremony, One of my eyes are swollen and closed in every picture, which does not make the best sight.
I applied to various colleges, and my rather high ACT score gave me a nearly free ride to Stephen F. Austin State University. It could have been free if I had gotten an apartment nearby and worked for rent, since dorm rooms are extremely expensive in Texas. My parents would not sign for it, though, and I was forced to take out a rather large student loan.
After one year of study in Radio and Television Production, I realized that I had picked the worst degree I could possibly have gone with. My grades began failing again, and I cared less and less. I was put on academic probation and sunk deeply into depression, planning on giving up material possessions and living a life of travel and squatting.
I met Lindiel, my mate through Werelist, and once again, Werelist saved my life. I had been planning on giving up everything and going on what would probably end up a suicidal journey on the Appalachian Trail. But she inspired me, and within a month, I had spent my extra cash to visit her in Harrisburg, Pennsylvania. Once there, I discovered on of the very few colleges in America to offer a New Media and Interactive Design degree, and I applied. They seemed very interested in me, and I ended up cutting all ties to Texas and moving to Pennsylvania. I was not accepted into the college because of my grades from Stephen F. Austin, but I had a home.
And that's where I am now, realizing that I will probably be poor for my entire life, destined to work less than prestigious jobs. I try not let that get me down. While I long for the life I could have had, I also know that Lindiel inspires me to continue living and learning. She inspired me to ignore the college process and begin learning programming on my own. While I don't have the money to be practicing experiments anymore, I can still write.
My life aspiration, the thing that would make me eternally happy, is to get a job involving interactive design. I want to be part of a company that will design the forerunner programs for human interactions with technology. My biggest and best dream in this field is to create a program that is entertaining, yet useful as a psychological tool. If you have read "Ender's Game", my dream is to create the psych program on their computers.
Barring that, I hope to create the "Citizen Kane" of the video game world. Something that breaks the normal rules of storytelling and helps redefine the genre.
Either way, I'm an avid writer and I type often as I feel able. My favorite part of writing is the creation of characters, and I feel like often, stories end up writing themselves by hijacking my hand rather than me actually coming up with them.
The character creation easily segues into one of my favorite things to do online, which is to RP. At the moment, I'm only in a round robin storytelling thing and an IRC chat. I used to be a member of various RPG online groups, such as Shukemei. (Neopets based, yes, but still a delightful and artistic crowd.) I often find that escaping into a different world as a different character is an excellent exercise. But sometimes, I just like to RP something akin to my theriotype for the sake of helping with dysphoria. Building a culture and society is always fun, as well.
I also used to do some tabletop RPGs, mostly DnD and some fun with Scion. The group I was with had thought about trying Pathfinder a few times, but we got distracted with a "Wheel of Time" game that never ended because those books never end. (4 million words so far and counting.)
I play a huge variety of video games, leaning more towards games with a developed storyline or tactical/strategic elements. I play them not only for entertainment, but to also keep tabs on what makes a good game. Results are pending.
I am an INTP, or Architect archetype as defined by Kiersey, and while I don't find myself particular interested in architecture in relation to buildings, I am fascinated by the architecture of society and living organisms, notably invertebrates. I don't see myself pursuing a career in said things, but they constantly interest me.
Though I consider myself a rational "scientist", I also hold beliefs in animism. It probably hearkens back to my grandmother's teachings, and my own experiences as a therian, but I still believe that all animal life holds a soul or spirit that is directly or indirectly communicable under the right circumstance.
As mentioned as well, I'm a raccoon therian. My therianthropy will probably be described more in-depth at a later date. For now I could say that I often refer to my therianthropy as my "raccoon half", even though normal me and raccoon me are rather indistinguishable. My raccoon half leads me to interesting behaviours and quirks, as well as sensations, but I consider my raccoon side to be mostly an... archetype. Something that resides inside that I channel at all times, influencing my personality and actions. Another take I have is that I hold close ties with the trickster archetype, and can often channel that through my channeling of the raccoon archetype. Coonception. It's confusing, and I promise to explain better in the future.
I have an outrageously fast metabolism, or rather, did for much of my life. A the age of 15 (I think it was 15...) I ate 62 and a half pieces of pizza in one setting, and while it may not relate to my metabolism, my stomach was bottomless. I won every eating contest I entered so long as it wasn't timed. Nothing official, really, but my status was well-known after leaving a buffet with 7 plates of shrimp shells stack rather high. I think I am solely responsible for putting a number of buffets in town out of business, especially the one where I ate all the pizza.
Despite all the food, I had hardly any fat on me. My doctor told me that if I didn't gain weight, my body would begin painfully eating itself. I was forced to eat more fatty foods in order to absorb the nutrients I needed, and my constant temperature of 100 degrees and no body fat meant I lost water more quickly than most, making up for that by ingesting large amounts of salt. Nowadays, my metabolism has slowed considerably, and my stomach size has shrunk, which is good for a smaller budget.
My last visit to the psychologist resulted in being diagnosed with ODD, and my earlier diagnosis of Asperger's was revoked, although reasons for that are unclear. It might have been that my utter and complete fascination with insects and arachnids disappeared rather suddenly, and my social skills improved. I suppose I could have Asperger's, but my studies with social structure helped me learn how to communicate effectively enough, even if it's forced or a little awkward. It's interesting to note that I score a 32 on the Autism-Spectrum Quotient test.
My favorite book of all time is Nancy Farmer's "House of the Scorpion" which helped me deal with society's rules and how I was being influenced by them.
My favorite movie is "The Prestige" by Christopher Nolan, and most of his movies are in my top 20 list.
My favorite song is "El Tango de Roxanne" from the Moulin Rouge soundtrack. The melding of different sounds plays with my emotional reactions more than anything I've ever known. More specifically, the ending plays with me like a cat plays with a mouse.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z-gdmXVSgMI&feature=related <--- Here it is, for your perusal.
My favorite music genre for the past few years has been some milder forms of electronic music. Anything complex, with a softer and more melodic sound than say... dubstep, but not skimping on the use of percussion. Glitch Mob, some Pendulum, and Infected Mushroom. Pandora just played a song by Amethystium(?) I'm going to have to look up.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8I-nlxD3jUQ <--- Dream Within a Dream, by Glitch Mob
I could probably go on and on. If I spent more time going over my life, I could probably have shortened it all down to something more interesting to read. Mostly, this is for my own sake, though, since now I have it on paper. Or rather, on the internet.
Anyway, in the future, now, I can look back and sneer in disgust at my choice of music or something. I think that's what adults are supposed to do.
I reject the notion of socially growing up. I still want to build a battle robot.
As I have stated before, my name is Alec. I'm one of four people on the entire North American continent with my last name, or so the internet tells me. Blouin is also very hard to pronounce, since English rules don't work on it.
I was born in San Antonio, Texas, in a military medical ward that is now called "Brook Army Burn Center" or something like that. My mother is part English, part Cherokee (I think? She never goes into her background) and my father is part Inuit, part Italian. The Italian culture is strong enough with my grandpa that my father is actually named after the Pope. There is some dispute within my immediate family as to whether my father is actually my father. Apparently, I was born around nine months after my mother had sexual relations with Gene Simmons.
Being a military family, we moved about the country. I've lived in or visited the majority of the states in the American west, mostly northwest. Lived in Alaska for four years where I learned how to interact with the woods. My brother was born 5 years after me in Sierra Vista, Arizona.
My parents divorced after that, and I was forced into living in Texas, where she remarried to an absolute bastard of a human. He was intelligent, sure, but he was also a hypocritical zealot who transformed my mother from a pretty cool person to one of his own kind.
I heavily lean towards the nature part of the nature versus nurture argument, since I turned out almost nothing like any of my parents. I still acknowledge the nature, though, since I apparently have the personality of my uncle, who was a cartographer for Anderson county in Texas, as well as a comic strip artist with the largest board game collection I have ever seen. He was estranged by his birth family, for having different views on the world, and it seems we also have that in common.
I am a supporter of LGBT rights, pro-choice for medical reasons within the first trimester, socially liberal and fiscally conservative (I think. I've been told I'm a libertarian, but I don't like company growth to be unhindered.) I am a Christian, but my beliefs are based around Christ, not really much else, in that I follow the two rules he set down, one of which is treating everyone with human decency. I also hold the belief that the Bible is an imperfect document, and Jesus wanted people to think for themselves instead of tying all decision-making to a two thousand year old book.
These beliefs are the exact opposite of my parents', and years of us being at odds, coupled with both of them spending money unwisely, forcing me to work in extreme situations, being extremely hypocritical, and their punishments mostly centered on depriving me of literature finally broke me. I accused them of stealing money from my bank account to help them buy a pool (the ground for which I leveled during the Texas summer, which is rather unforgiving) and they kicked me out. I was 17 at the time, and had a year left of high school.
I spent the year being shuffled between a few friend's houses, but I constantly felt like a burden. I would often spend nights under a bridge (which, cliche as it is, is not that bad of a shelter) and scavenge what food I could. I learned a few tricks to provide me with sustenance while living homeless, and was given a good meal and a shower by friends at least three times a week, when I was able to swallow my pride.
My grades up until this point had been straight A's. I was number 3 in my class, an avid theater student, and trying to sort out what I wanted to do with my life other than screw around with various areas of science. I had been close to becoming a Texas scholar, but when I got kicked out, I could not afford the 60$ fee. To graduate anywhere within the top ten, you had to be a Texas Scholar, so I was immediately bumped to the position of number 11 in the school. My grades began failing, and I felt less and less able to keep up with everything. I cared less and less about it, too. I attained my Eagle rank 10 days before my 18th birthday, just in time, but have still not been able to afford the ceremony. I fell from number 11 to number 64 in my class, losing Advanced Placement status at the last minute because I failed psychology and nearly failed the rest. I caught staph on my eyelids but could not afford to visit the optometrist as was suggested to me by the ER doctors. For graduation ceremony, One of my eyes are swollen and closed in every picture, which does not make the best sight.
I applied to various colleges, and my rather high ACT score gave me a nearly free ride to Stephen F. Austin State University. It could have been free if I had gotten an apartment nearby and worked for rent, since dorm rooms are extremely expensive in Texas. My parents would not sign for it, though, and I was forced to take out a rather large student loan.
After one year of study in Radio and Television Production, I realized that I had picked the worst degree I could possibly have gone with. My grades began failing again, and I cared less and less. I was put on academic probation and sunk deeply into depression, planning on giving up material possessions and living a life of travel and squatting.
I met Lindiel, my mate through Werelist, and once again, Werelist saved my life. I had been planning on giving up everything and going on what would probably end up a suicidal journey on the Appalachian Trail. But she inspired me, and within a month, I had spent my extra cash to visit her in Harrisburg, Pennsylvania. Once there, I discovered on of the very few colleges in America to offer a New Media and Interactive Design degree, and I applied. They seemed very interested in me, and I ended up cutting all ties to Texas and moving to Pennsylvania. I was not accepted into the college because of my grades from Stephen F. Austin, but I had a home.
And that's where I am now, realizing that I will probably be poor for my entire life, destined to work less than prestigious jobs. I try not let that get me down. While I long for the life I could have had, I also know that Lindiel inspires me to continue living and learning. She inspired me to ignore the college process and begin learning programming on my own. While I don't have the money to be practicing experiments anymore, I can still write.
My life aspiration, the thing that would make me eternally happy, is to get a job involving interactive design. I want to be part of a company that will design the forerunner programs for human interactions with technology. My biggest and best dream in this field is to create a program that is entertaining, yet useful as a psychological tool. If you have read "Ender's Game", my dream is to create the psych program on their computers.
Barring that, I hope to create the "Citizen Kane" of the video game world. Something that breaks the normal rules of storytelling and helps redefine the genre.
Either way, I'm an avid writer and I type often as I feel able. My favorite part of writing is the creation of characters, and I feel like often, stories end up writing themselves by hijacking my hand rather than me actually coming up with them.
The character creation easily segues into one of my favorite things to do online, which is to RP. At the moment, I'm only in a round robin storytelling thing and an IRC chat. I used to be a member of various RPG online groups, such as Shukemei. (Neopets based, yes, but still a delightful and artistic crowd.) I often find that escaping into a different world as a different character is an excellent exercise. But sometimes, I just like to RP something akin to my theriotype for the sake of helping with dysphoria. Building a culture and society is always fun, as well.
I also used to do some tabletop RPGs, mostly DnD and some fun with Scion. The group I was with had thought about trying Pathfinder a few times, but we got distracted with a "Wheel of Time" game that never ended because those books never end. (4 million words so far and counting.)
I play a huge variety of video games, leaning more towards games with a developed storyline or tactical/strategic elements. I play them not only for entertainment, but to also keep tabs on what makes a good game. Results are pending.
I am an INTP, or Architect archetype as defined by Kiersey, and while I don't find myself particular interested in architecture in relation to buildings, I am fascinated by the architecture of society and living organisms, notably invertebrates. I don't see myself pursuing a career in said things, but they constantly interest me.
Though I consider myself a rational "scientist", I also hold beliefs in animism. It probably hearkens back to my grandmother's teachings, and my own experiences as a therian, but I still believe that all animal life holds a soul or spirit that is directly or indirectly communicable under the right circumstance.
As mentioned as well, I'm a raccoon therian. My therianthropy will probably be described more in-depth at a later date. For now I could say that I often refer to my therianthropy as my "raccoon half", even though normal me and raccoon me are rather indistinguishable. My raccoon half leads me to interesting behaviours and quirks, as well as sensations, but I consider my raccoon side to be mostly an... archetype. Something that resides inside that I channel at all times, influencing my personality and actions. Another take I have is that I hold close ties with the trickster archetype, and can often channel that through my channeling of the raccoon archetype. Coonception. It's confusing, and I promise to explain better in the future.
I have an outrageously fast metabolism, or rather, did for much of my life. A the age of 15 (I think it was 15...) I ate 62 and a half pieces of pizza in one setting, and while it may not relate to my metabolism, my stomach was bottomless. I won every eating contest I entered so long as it wasn't timed. Nothing official, really, but my status was well-known after leaving a buffet with 7 plates of shrimp shells stack rather high. I think I am solely responsible for putting a number of buffets in town out of business, especially the one where I ate all the pizza.
Despite all the food, I had hardly any fat on me. My doctor told me that if I didn't gain weight, my body would begin painfully eating itself. I was forced to eat more fatty foods in order to absorb the nutrients I needed, and my constant temperature of 100 degrees and no body fat meant I lost water more quickly than most, making up for that by ingesting large amounts of salt. Nowadays, my metabolism has slowed considerably, and my stomach size has shrunk, which is good for a smaller budget.
My last visit to the psychologist resulted in being diagnosed with ODD, and my earlier diagnosis of Asperger's was revoked, although reasons for that are unclear. It might have been that my utter and complete fascination with insects and arachnids disappeared rather suddenly, and my social skills improved. I suppose I could have Asperger's, but my studies with social structure helped me learn how to communicate effectively enough, even if it's forced or a little awkward. It's interesting to note that I score a 32 on the Autism-Spectrum Quotient test.
My favorite book of all time is Nancy Farmer's "House of the Scorpion" which helped me deal with society's rules and how I was being influenced by them.
My favorite movie is "The Prestige" by Christopher Nolan, and most of his movies are in my top 20 list.
My favorite song is "El Tango de Roxanne" from the Moulin Rouge soundtrack. The melding of different sounds plays with my emotional reactions more than anything I've ever known. More specifically, the ending plays with me like a cat plays with a mouse.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z-gdmXVSgMI&feature=related <--- Here it is, for your perusal.
My favorite music genre for the past few years has been some milder forms of electronic music. Anything complex, with a softer and more melodic sound than say... dubstep, but not skimping on the use of percussion. Glitch Mob, some Pendulum, and Infected Mushroom. Pandora just played a song by Amethystium(?) I'm going to have to look up.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8I-nlxD3jUQ <--- Dream Within a Dream, by Glitch Mob
I could probably go on and on. If I spent more time going over my life, I could probably have shortened it all down to something more interesting to read. Mostly, this is for my own sake, though, since now I have it on paper. Or rather, on the internet.
Anyway, in the future, now, I can look back and sneer in disgust at my choice of music or something. I think that's what adults are supposed to do.
I reject the notion of socially growing up. I still want to build a battle robot.
